When I have waxed rhapsodic about Buffy’s big themes, I have always said that the “big bad” every season is never defeated but Buffy’s superpowers alone. When it comes to the final, dire battles, Buffy wins using one or both of these two things: Teamwork. And sacrifice. Teamwork maps easily to a digestible life and leadership lesson. And there will be plenty of time to talk about teamwork as we engage in this re-watch.

Sacrifice is harder to swallow. As a woman, particularly, I hear a lot more advice about take what I’ve earned, get that coin, don’t accept sloppy seconds, don’t feel lucky just to be there…we (just like other groups outside the traditional dominant power structure…you know, patriarchy and White supremacy) have already sacrificed enough.

So let me say what I don’t think you should sacrifice: Your values. Your longterm wellbeing. Your quest for the best possible outcome and the highest possible good.

But “possible” does a lot of work here, because what we all may have to sacrifice is perfection. The outcome looking exactly as we envisioned. A Venn diagram of everything we want all coming together in a perfect circle of everything we get. (see below on the left.)

Rather, every product manager knows that there are trade-offs. See the diagram on the right. If you need it cheap and fast, it isn’t going to be great. If you want it great and fast, it won’t be cheap. And if you want it great, but cheap, get ready to wait for it a long time…it won’t be fast.

Buffy makes BIG specific sacrifices at multiple times during the run of the show…we’ll get there…but the one sacrifice she is always making is the life of a “normal” teenager. This tension comes up from episode one, but this week’s first episode, Episode 5 (Never Kill a Boy on the First Date), puts that sacrifice into stark relief. There is a certain amount of freedom she will never have…the freedom to ignore her calling, to defer her destiny.

In this case. all Buffy wants is to go on a regular date with a regular boy. But of course the evening in question turns into anything but a regular date when demons come to town. Meanwhile, it turns out that regular boy finds the danger and mayhem kind of exciting, so even when they have a chance to try again for a regular date, turns out he doesn’t want to be a regular boy. There’s no perfect circle Venn Diagram for Buffy. Rather than indulge regular boy’s lust for danger, she lets him go…for his own good.

We then learn that Buffy is not the only one sacrificing normalcy for a higher calling. Giles, too, learned of his destiny to be a “Watcher” at a very young age. Years of study in a field in which he originally had no interest ensue. Being reminded of his own sacrifice to fulfill his destiny seems to bring out new empathy in Giles.

Sometimes we sacrifice short-term gain or gratification for long-term sustainability.

Sometimes we sacrifice doing what we want, to do what we should, lest we regret it.

And if you’re Buffy, sometimes you grasp the carefree moments when you can, and accept accolades when they come, because you know neither will come often enough.

I’ve often mused that happiness can actually be measured by the gap between your own values and how you actually live. The narrower the gap, the happier you will be. (Because how can you actually be happy if you’re not living your values?) When sacrifice is made in order to live up to your values, it is more sweet than bitter.

I watched Season 1, episodes 5 (Never Kill a Boy on the First Day live recap) and 6 (The Pack live recap).

Episode 5 is all about the regular boy and regular date scenario mentioned above. Plus it lets you know that Season 1’s Big Bad, The Master, is still out there needing to be vanquished. This episode shows Buffy making the nobler right choice (and sacrifice) not because Giles is there to encourage the right behavior, but because she is mature enough to do so on her own.

Episode 6 is a Monster of the Week episode, but again…the monsters are coming from inside the high school…garden-variety high school bullies possessed by hyena spirits. Yes, you read that right. Episode 6 is notable for how dark it is. How disturbing Very bad things happen. And it is taken very seriously, not played for camp like one could argue some of the previous Season 1 episodes were. At one points the music even drops out of the episode (a technique later used and endlessly discussed in the Season 5 episode, The Body). I had one thriend (that’s what we call people we talk to on Threads, I don’t make the rules) tell me that it’s the only episode he skips entirely when doing a re-watch. This episode signals to us that there are real stakes. Real danger.

The core #BuffyLifeLesson in Episode 5 is that the effort to balance work and life, may inevitably require sacrifice. As mentioned above, two of the over-arching themes of every Buffy season...two of the things required most to defeat each season's Big Bad...are teamwork and sacrifice. The teamwork element came in right from episode #1, when Xander, Willow and Giles each make contributions to supporting Buffy's work. And sacrifice is an underlying theme in that Buffy doesn't want this burden, and is constantly looking for ways to wiggle out of having it run her life and perhaps be a "normal" teen. This is the first episode where she truly understands she won't always have that choice. Where she gives up something she may have really wanted (like regular boy) for its own good.

The core #BuffyLifeLesson in Episode 6 is that power without empathy is a dark formula. Back in my tech days during the dot com boom, I climbed the corporate ladder pretty quickly. I went from Individual Contributor to running a team in a very short period of time. I always thought it made me a good manager, because I didn’t have the chance to forget what it was like to be the one with less power. Whether you’re talking everyday bullies, corporate bullies, or mystical bullies, it requires some combination of power to harm, lack of empathy for others, and probably some unresolved psychic trauma. Figuring out who's weak so you can prey on them (like bullies do) is an asshole move, folks. Don't do it.

More Season 1 recapping of course. And I’m still lining up upcoming topics to dig into, what would you prefer to hear about?

Now, what about you? Does lauding sacrifice as life lesson bother you? Have you ever been bullied as an adult? Have you watched any Buffy lately? What resonates with you?

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